Mysteryland - Floriade Terein Haarlemmermeer, Vijfhuizen, The Netherlands 

The Mysteryland Festival is a large sclae open air Dutch event held every year in Haarlemmermeer.

Mysteryland Review...

As experienced festival goers with many excursions to Creamfields, Global Gathering and the gone but not forgotten experienced festival goers with many excursions to Creamfields, Global Gathering and the gone but not forgotten Gatecrasher Summer Sound System, we set off for Mysteryland in Haarlemmermeer, Holland expecting the usual combination of tents, mud, over priced burgers and raving chavs beloved of UK do’s.

We made our way there via the easy and cheap Dutch public transport network and headed towards the site. It all kicked off at 11am, early by our standards but the 11pm finish means the public transport is there on the way back, and a country the size of Greater London the journey there is maximum of a few hours. Plus the day light hours means you can explore the vast array of sights, sounds and entertainment Mysteryland has to offer.

While we were waiting for the rest of our party to arrive we checked out the Cheese Arena where a full on foam party was underway, watched over by two large blue cows.

The next arena we stumbled across we assumed was the main arena given its huge build and dramatic 100ft high DJ box. After a boogie to C J Bolland’s ‘The Prophet’ we moved onto the Ex PornStar Arena, where indeed huge quantities of porn and DJs in bondage gear were on display.

At 2pm Benny Bennasi was on the main open air stage, even bigger than our first port of call. His usual blend of filthy electro trance really floats my boat, and inspired me ton head off after his set to Felix Da Housecat’s tent to catch the very hairy Glimmers. Wandering about the arenas could have taken all day, with the map showing only a little of what was available. Spas, confession boxes and bungey jumps all provided amusement, if the very hard to please couldn’t find something to there musical tastes.

Armand Van Helden on the main stage was an odd follow on post Oakenfold, but opening with House of Jealous Lovers won my vote anyway. The only let down was the hideously annoying MC, Vika Kova, obviously big news in her own country, but the Tina Turner look and screeching over sets inspired nothing but violence in me.

We thought returning to Felix would provide relief but there she was again, jumping out of a cake for the big man’s birthday.

After a spot of lying on the grass spotting the day’s craziest outfits, we flitted between Felix and the Subliminal Sessions. The toilets now were becoming a more challenging experience, but in true Dutch style there were still attendants providing toilet roll and attempts at mopping up. A short cut through the hip hop tent provided a great boogie in the last hours of the night, with a big ol’ mash up of Pussy Cat Dolls, Ludacris and the like.

Erol Alkan was our final set of the night, letting the UK side down a little by trying to be too damn clever with Mylo’s Drop the Pressure and not accepting when it was time to spin it back and give it up.

We left the music behind and flowed with the crowds to leave the site, where a lucky combination of on time buses and trains had us back at base camp by half midnight. The rest of our party weren’t as fortunate and ended up in the wrong direction, on the wrong buses, finally staggering in at 2am.

General consensus was that Mysteryland spanks the pants off any of the festivals back home, with so much planning and organisation that every last detail was catered for. Although there was no visible police presence, we felt safe all day, the free buses back to the station cleared the crowds quickly, and the token system made scrabbling for change a distant memory